I hate this, being lonely even when you have that someone beside you. What's the point of being in a relationship when all you feel is this unending emptiness within. "COWARD!"- that small voice is telling me again just what kind of a loser I am..I'm afraid to let go because I'm afraid that I won't be able to stand being away from him..I'm afraid of staying because I don't know if the time I chose to stay in this stupid-good-for-nothing relationship will ever be worth it. I'm afraid because I'm turning into someone I don't even recognize. This is so NOT ME! I'm known to be tough, a woman-for-myself...my friends always tell me that I always make it a point to let my mind rule over my heart. But now, here I am not knowing how to make him love me back..pathetic..insecure...discarded as one of 'his collections'- just one of those girls who patiently waits for him..who would try to make nonsense things appear to have sense just to make him smile..I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore...at the back of my mind I know that 'with him, I'm never getting it right.'
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Oh boy...that's a lot to be trying to deal with. I only know this (and trust me, I'm not one to be giving advice on this subject...)...that if you pretend to be something or someone else for long enough, eventually you become that person.